Philip Fibiger

Monster Garage on The Discovery Channel is one of the coolest programs I’ve seen in a while. Jesse James is given 7 days and $3000 to turn an ordinary vehicle into a monster, and it gets raced against the vehicle it’s emulating. Day 1 is planning with experts and automotive designers, day 7 is the race, so the team of 5 mechanics/welders/customizers he puts together has 5 days to do things like turn a Ford Explorer Eddie Bauer into a garbage truck, or a Mustang into a lawn mower. When done, the vehicles have to appear stock.

The garbage truck was incredible. It was built so that the entire top of the truck pivoted up, revealing the garbage bin, and then a hydraulic arm extends out and grabs the trash can and pours the contents into the bin, and then tosses it away. When done, it closes back up and looks just like an ordinary explorer, albiet one that has 20″ custom chrome wheels and an amazing custom paint job.

These guys (and girls) really are artists, the work they do is inspiring to a shade tree mechanic. If they can weld a subframe into the explorer that allows the roof to pivot off using hydraulics, I can tear down and rebuild the carburetors on my motorcycle! You get the sense that for them, at least when it comes to machines, anything is possible. Missing a key part of a fire truck water pump you’ve never seen? No problem, just grab a cylinder of aluminum and machine it!

Oh, and while sometimes the work is more or less smooth sailing, and the group really clicks, other times there is some pretty interesting human drama.

The Eight Worst Fathers in Television. Tony Soprano I absolutely understand. Killing some boyfriends, scaring others away, trying to send your kids to military school..these probably aren’t great parenting decisions. I have a beef with some of the other choices. Jed Bartlet? Come on, he’s always done right by his kids. I don’t think you can fault his (imaginary) parenting because his daughters aren’t on the show much. I feel the same way about Jack Bristow on Alias. Fine, he doesn’t know how to deal with his emotions, but he is always looking out for his daughter.

Now on a list of the 8 worst mothers, Sydney Bristow’s mom should certainly be at the top.

As the television seasons wind down, there is one jewel remaining that will keep me entertained through the summer. A&E’s near-perfect Nero Wolfe. My parents had dog-eared copies of nearly all of Rex Stout’s novels in the mystery section of their library, and I read my way through all of them. As far as adaptations of books go, this television show is about as good as it gets. The show is colorful, fun, witty, and smart. Timothy Hutton is absolutely perfect as Archie Goodwin, and while rough at the beginning, Maury Chaykin has matured into a wonderful Wolfe. Toss in a rotating cast of regulars, that make the show feel more like a stage production and less like a television show, and it is without a doubt one of the best shows on television. I leave you with a couple of choice quotes from Mr. Wolfe that should give you an idea of how the books and the show work:

Mr. Goodwin’s professional reputation and competence have been challenged, and by extension my own. You invoked respondeat superior; I will not only answer, I will act.

Mr. Kearns, an irate visitor : ‘I demand an explanation! I intend to hold you to account for alienating the affection of my wife.’
‘Affections,’ Wolfe said.
‘What?’
‘Affections. In that context the plural is used.’ He lifted the glass and drank, and licked his lips.
Kearns stared at him. ‘I didn’t come here,’ he said, ‘to have my grammar corrected.’
‘Not grammar. Diction.’